Surviving Life
by sugarless5
Summary: Angel gets a call from the social worker on Dawn's case  in Buffy season 6  Needing to escape Holtz anyway, he runs down to Sunnydale with his gang to help Buffy out. Special guest commentary by Angelus!
1. Chapter 1

**I really hate this title, but I've been putting off publishing the first couple of chapters because I couldn't think of a title, so I just picked something. So premise - Angel gets a call from the social worker on Dawn and Buffy's case in season 6. The Buffy and Willow part of this chapter starts right at the very end of "Gone" - and in this version, the social worker gets a few days off, but still comes back to work on the case (since in real life, when you take a few days off like she did, your work load doesn't magically disappear, unfortunately) I'm kind of smushing Gone and Doublemeat Palace together. This takes place around the same general time frame in Angel, but it doesn't really correlate to a specific episode. Cordy and Angel are more brother-sister than interested in each other. **

**Also - since it's been said in Angel that Angelus is always there, locked away in Angel's head, I thought it would be fun to assume that Angelus can then speak to Angel and has a running commentary going on. Like he's MST3K-ing Angels life. Angel's comments are in _bold italics_ while Angel's responses to him (and anytime anyone else thinks to themselves as well) it's just **_plain unbold italics._

**As always, all my thanks go to Love-el-ly Joy for be such an awesome help. She has a new fic she's working on (Buffy goes to LA to see Angelus in season 7, Spike comes along, shenanigans ensue) that you should check out. **

**Okay, promise I'm done with announcements now. I don't own any of it. Please, read, enjoy, review. :D  
**

Wesley tentatively stepped into Angel's makeshift office. "Angel."

"What's up, Wes?" he said, lovingly putting Connor back down into his crib without looking up.

"The phone is for you."

Angel looked up in surprise. "Can you take a message?"

Wes looked at Angel for a moment before answering. "I think you want to take this."

Angel's brow furrowed in confusion. "Um… okay."

Wes considered leaving to give Angel his privacy, but stayed put instead, settling himself into a chair on the other side of the desk. Angel obligingly put the phone on speakerphone, leaving his hands free to fidget with his pen.

"Angel Investigations."

The woman's voice came across clear and stern sounding through the speakers. "Yes, I need to speak with Angel." She said his name suspicion and a touch of contempt.

Angel frowned in irritation. "Speaking."

"You're Angel? And do you own this little business Mr. …?"

Angel ignored the leading question. "Yes I do, ma'am. Just who am I speaking with and what is this regarding?"

The woman on the other line gave a huff of indignation. She usually liked to get further in the interview before revealing who she was.

"I'm Miss Doris Croager of Child Services," she said pompously.

Angel frowned in confusion. "Okay. What's this regarding?"

"Are you acquainted with Dawn and Buffy Summers?"

Angel's eyes widened as he threw a look at Wes. He felt as if the bottom of his stomach had dropped out. Swallowing a lump in his throat, he replied. "Yes, I am. Is… is something wrong?"

_**Well that's a stupid question. They live on the Hellmouth; of course something's wrong.**_

"Are you aware of the death of their mother? One Mrs.…" she trailed off, clearly shuffling through papers, trying to find the name.

"Joyce."

"Yes, Joyce Summers. Since Miss Buffy Summers," she said the name with a touch of disapproval, "has assumed guardianship of her sister, I have been assigned to determine if she is fit for the role."

"_Fit for the role?_ Of course-!"

"Needless to say," the woman continued, "I have some concerns over whether an irresponsible young college dropout is fit for the role of mother."

_**Needless to say, this woman is a moron. We should eat her.**_

Anger clouded Angel's features. "Irresponsible? Buffy's not irresponsible!"

The woman clucked her tongue. "I look at her file and I see a woman with a history of erratic behavior, who has always blown off school and blew it off again in college-"

"To take care of her mother!" Angel interrupted, breaking the pen in his hands, splattering ink everywhere. He threw a worried look at Connor as he shifted in his crib, but stayed asleep.

The social worker continued. "And instead of going back to school, she disappears for a few months, then gets a job at a fast food restaurant and calls it an attempt to provide for her sister, who is following her footsteps in her disregard for education."

Angel looked at Wes in shock. "Buffy's working at…?"

"There are almost no positive role models in the girl's life and I frankly have very real concerns about some of the people Miss Summers allows in and out of the house. One particular gentleman with a British accent and peroxide blonde hair comes to mind."

Once again, Angel looked at Wesley in surprise. "Spike?"

"Furthermore," the woman continued, "the only references she could provide were a gentleman in England who we've been unable to reach, and you."

"Buffy would _die_ for Dawn!" exclaimed Angel, uncomfortable with how intimately aware he was of that fact.

"How sentimental," the woman said condescendingly. "However, in my experience it rarely comes to that."

"Lucky you," Angel muttered.

_**How long has she been working on the Hellmouth?**_

"My concern is whether or not Buffy can create a stable home environment for Dawn."

"I can't imagine a better guardian for Dawn," said Angel firmly.

He could practically hear the pursed lips. "Noted. I'm curious; how do you know Buffy?"

Angel's eyes widened in brief panic as Angelus laughed wildly in his head. Wes opened his mouth for a moment before shutting it with a snap.

"Buffy and I…" loved each other? He could just imagine how that would go over. Dated? Oh, even better.

_**Oh I know! How about "fucked each other's brains out but couldn't do it again so I left?"**_

"We worked together… for a while."

"Worked together? When was this?"

"A few years ago. When she was in high school." He cleared his throat to clear the emotions clogging it. "But we've kept in touch since then," he hastened to assure her.

_**I must have missed all of these phone calls and touching reunions you two have had.**_

"I show no employment history for her in high school."

Angel swallowed. Damnit he was a seasoned veteran at lying! He could do this. "It was a... an early adaptation of my business. Not for profit."

"She volunteered," said the woman, disbelief dripping from her voice. "And was this before or after she was expelled?"

_**How rude. We should eat her. **_

"It sounds like you've already-" Angel began furiously.

Wesley cleared his throat loudly to cut him off as Fred poked her head in.

"Um… hi. There's a client-" she said

"Tell them to wait," said Angel.

_**That's right. Screw the helpless; you've got things to do and people to eat.**_

"No, it's quite alright," said the caseworker. "I'll call you with any further questions."

"Are you sure? I…"

"Quite sure. You have a nice day."

"Right," said Angel in a daze as they disconnected.

_**This is why you good guys are such saps. 15 seconds and the problem could be solved. But no – you pussies have to sit back and be miserable.**_

_She may be horrible and judgmental, but she thinks she's doing the right thing._

Angelus snorted. _**That's what's so delicious about the whole thing. She's spent how many years being miserable because it's "the right thing to do,"**_ his voice dripped with mockery at those words, _**only to get kicked in the face while she's down by her own side. And you saps keep this up… why, exactly?**_

Angel had no way to counter that, so he was grateful when Wes cleared his throat loudly to get his attention.

"Right. Fred, tell the client I'll be right out there."

She nodded and left as Angel turned to Wes, who stated the obvious for lack of anything better to say. "Clearly things have gone downhill for Buffy."

"I don't know where to start," said Angel. "She's… she's…"

_**Use your words.**_

"Well clearly she's working at a minimum wage fast food job," said Wesley.

"Why? She's a smart…"

_**Mediocre grades at best, college dropout, erratic, violent history… Who wouldn't want to hire her?**_

Wesley must have seen where his thoughts were headed. "The life of a slayer leaves little room to… er… develop a marketable skill set."

_**Oh, it's plenty marketable, if you hit the right people.**_

"Giles left." said Angel.

Wesley's brow furrowed. "When did she say Giles left?"

Angel gave him a sarcastic look. "Who do you think her other reference was, Travers?"

"Fair enough," conceded Wes.

"Why would Giles leave?"

_**Maybe he finally realized how much longer his life expectancy was without his prodigal slayer. **_

"I'm not sure," said Wes.

"And Spike!" said Angel, clearly unable to say any more on the issue.

"That is probably the most bizarre twist of all," Wesley said.

_**Right, because she's never let a vampire into her life before.**_

_Spike doesn't have a soul!_

_**Perish the thought!**_

"I'm having a difficult time imagining how Buffy is doing right now. How was she when you saw her last?"

Angel closed his eyes in remembered pain.

_**Do the words "basket case" mean anything to you?**_

"She was… she was barely holding it together," he said.

Wesley looked at him for a moment before speaking. "Do you have a plan?"

_**There's no need for a plan. 15 minutes alone in a room with some toys would fix everything.**_

Angel winced at the brutal images Angelus was coming up with. "I-I don't," he said, looking at Connor, who was still sleeping peacefully.

Fred poked her head back in. "Um… sorry, but they're getting real impatient."

"Right," said Angel. "The plan. I'll talk to the clients, then think about what to do. Let me know if she calls again," he said, standing up. "Later we'll talk to Cordy to see if she knows anything about the situation in Sunnydale."

**

* * *

**

Buffy and Willow walked through the dark streets of Sunnydale arm-in-arm.

"So… how are things with the social worker?" asked Willow.

Buffy sighed. "I think I bought a temporary reprieve, but she'll only be gone for a couple of days. I don't think we've seen the last of her."

"We'll figure out what to do," said Willow encouragingly.

"I don't know," said Buffy. "On paper, I really don't look like a good guardian."

"She's your sister! That should count for something."

Buffy sighed. "Should it?"

"Well sure. I mean, of course! Why wouldn't it?"

"I don't know. Maybe… maybe I'm not such a good parent for Dawn," said Buffy, defeated.

Willow looked at her wide-eyed. "What do you mean?"

"Well," said Buffy, picking a stray piece of hair out of her mouth with more care than was strictly necessary, "maybe it's not just on paper. Dawn already hates me half the time. I-I never really know what to do. I never seem to get it right with her."

Willow tried, unsuccessfully, to make eye contact with Buffy as she spoke. "Buffy, she's a teenager. No one knows how to be a parent to a teenager. It's like a law."

"My mom did," said Buffy quietly.

Willow had nothing to say to that. "You _died_ for Dawn!" she cried.

Buffy looked down. "It's not necessarily a compliment when the best thing I ever did for my sister was to die."

Willow gaped at her in shock for a full minute, before finally regaining her speech. "Y-you're not just going to let them take her away…?"

"No," said Buffy firmly. "Of course not. Miss Croager asked for character references. All I could come up with was Angel, who I've barely spoken to twice in the last 2 years-"

"Of course Angel will vouch for you!"

"-and Giles, who, in case you missed it, left town because I'm too irresponsible." She laughed bitterly. "Maybe I shouldn't have used him, but I felt pathetic that the only one I could think of was my ex."

"Buffy…" said Willow, with no idea how she was going to finish that sentence.

"God, I'm sorry, Wills. You have enough to deal with without me dumping on you."

"No! Dump away! 'Sides, I'm going to be dumping on you a lot, so it's only fair."

Buffy threw her arm around Willow, giving her a squeeze. "I'm proud of you."

"Well don't be too proud yet," said Willow, a hint of her 17 year old self peeking through.

Buffy gave her another little squeeze.

"Have you told either of them you're using them as references?" asked Willow.

Buffy groaned. "It didn't even occur to me. Do I have to?"

Willow chuckled a bit. "I think it might be best to warn them, yeah."


	2. Chapter 2

**I wasn't going to post this chapter until next week (or at least until I had an idea for what I was going to do with Ch 4) but, you know, I had initially written these first two chapters as one big one, so that's how I'm justifying this. :D As always, Love-el-ly Joy is a godsend for catching all of my stupid mistakes. Thanks also for Wootie for being so sweet. Enjoy!**

Wesley was up doing research on the demons involved in their latest case while Gunn and Angel were off on a job. The phone rang.

"Angel Investigations, this is Wesley."

"Wesley? Um… hi. This is Buffy."

Wesley was instantly alert. "Buffy? How are you?"

"Alive," she said. Wes couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was, but she didn't sound like the firey young woman he knew.

"Yes… I'd heard that. We've been hoping to hear from you, actually. Angel's out on a case right now, but I can have him call you back as soon as he gets back."

"No. No… um, that's alright. Just let him know…" She sighed, then decided to just come right out with it. "Can you tell him that I used him as a character reference for a social worker? I'm sorry, I should have asked before I put him down, but I panicked and-"

"She called this afternoon."

"Already?" she asked in surprise. "I'm so sorry-"

"It's alright," he hastened to assure her.

"Did he… um…? What did Angel…?"

"Angel told her you're a wonderful guardian."

Buffy let out a relieved sigh on the other end.

"Buffy," said Wesley hesitantly, "do you need any help?"

"I bought some time," she replied. "Don't ask how, but she's taking a few days off. Hopefully I'll figure something out by then. You guys probably have your hands full over there. Life of a Champion and all that. Never a dull moment."

Wesley looked over at Connor. "Yes, you could certainly say that."

"Okay. Well I really appreciate this. It might be over, but if she calls again in a few days…"

"Angel will still vouch for you in a few days. Or weeks. Or, I would venture to say, a few months or years even," said Wes, half amused, half concerned.

"Right. Good. Sorry again for bothering you guys."

"Not at all." Wes hesitated again, unused to being in this position with her. "Please feel free to call us at any time."

"Will do. And thanks. Bye."

Wes stared at the phone for a few seconds after he hung up.

"How's she doing?" asked Cordy from the doorway.

"I'm not sure," said Wes. "She was very-"

"Hold still, man! I got you!" Gunn said as he and Angel burst through the door.

"Where is he?" cried Angel, frantic.

Cordy and Wes exchanged looks. "Who?"

Angel speared them with a Look. "_Who?_ Connor! Is he okay?"

"Of course he's okay, Angel. He's right here. What's your deal?"

Angel ignored her as he rushed over to Connor's cradle, gripping the plastic edge hard enough to break it. It was only then that Cordy and Wes noticed a stab wound in his shoulder and a deep slice in one of the major vein in his arm.

Gunn and Wesley came up alongside him, trying to get him to couch. Since he refused to let go of Connor's cradle, they moved the baby with him.

"I told you the little guy was fine," said Gunn.

"What happened?" asked Fred in alarm, coming down the stairs with Lorne.

"That's what I'd like to know," said Cordy, handing over a mug of blood.

Angel was too busy holding Connor as if he could save him from anything and everything in the world by using his body as a human shield to respond.

"Holtz made an appearance tonight," said Gunn.

Everyone instinctively drew a little closer to the baby at the mention of Holtz.

"We have to do something about him," said Cordelia.

"I'm open to suggestions," said Angel.

_**Death, maiming, dismemberment, slow torture… Oooh – you could make him watch as you turn his pathetic little army of vampire hunters into an army of vampires. **_

_He's human._

_**And?**_

"Buffy called just before you came in," said Wes.

That got his attention.

"What did she say? How is she? How did she sound?" he said in a rush.

"One at a time, big guy," said Lorne, before taking in their words. "Wait a minute add mine to the pile. Why is slayerkins calling you?"

"We got a call from social services today. It seems that with the death of her mother, social services had to send someone in to make sure Buffy is a fit mother," said Wes. "Her case worker is…"

_**Dumb as a post? A deliciously ironic counterpoint to Buffy's tragic struggle on behalf of people like her?**_

"A judgmental bitch," said Angel.

Everyone stared at him in shock.

_**Well said, Soul Boy! Now go snap her neck.**_

"Unlike Angel, she hasn't made slaying profitable," said Cordelia. "Unfortunately, much like Angel, she still hasn't made it fashionable, either."

Wesley caught Gunn's questioning glance. "The Council generally helps the Slayer remain afloat, should they live long enough to need it. That's how they maintain some semblance of control over her."

"But with Buffy's history with the council, they've refused," Angel finished bitterly. He abruptly turned to Connor, who had made a small gurgling noise. "Because they're a bunch of jerky-jerks, aren't they, Connor," he cooed.

_**That did not just happen. **_

More to annoy Angelus than anything else, Angel leaned in to kiss Connor's belly. His team just stared, still trying to acclimate to this new side of him.

_**Mmmm, he smells delicious. **_

_You're sick. _

_**I'll remind you of that the next time you go jerky-jerk yourself off to thoughts of the Slayer.**_

"So…" said Angel, clearing his throat, "why did Buffy call? How did she sound?"

"Not… not like the Buffy I remember, though we were never particularly close."

Worry sliced through Angel. "Care to elaborate?"

Wesley sighed. "I don't know, Angel. As the only one among us who has ever come back from hell, I think you're the only one qualified to have an opinion on how she should be."

_**Yes, let's think back to your time as a wild animal. Ooh! We could chain her up. I mean it is her turn.**_

"She…" He thought back to their brief meeting. As he spoke, he closed his eyes, hoping he wasn't betraying her confidence. "She wasn't in Hell."

Everyone stared at him in shock for a moment.

"Then where was sh-" Cordy trailed off in sudden understanding.

"The minute I saw her I could tell she wasn't happy or… or relieved to be back. Then…" Then she had looked at him, utterly broken. "Then she told me."

"Buffy was in Heaven?" asked Wesley in horror.

Gunn looked between them all. "Okay pardon me if this is stupid, but why are we horrified that she didn't spend her summer getting tortured in Hell?"

As Wesley explained to Gunn exactly why going back to the treacherous life of the Slayer was its own Hell after finally being at peace, Buffy's devastated, tear stained face swam into Angel's vision.

"_Buffy," he had said, the pain of seeing her like this like a physical blow, "you have to tell someone. You can't try to make it through this alone."_

"_Who am I going to tell, Angel? Should I tell Willow? Or Xander? How could I do that to them? It's not like they knew. Dawn? She wouldn't understand."_

"_Tell Giles."_

"_Giles has one foot out the door. I have no idea what's going on in his head anymore, but he looks as me like he doesn't know me."_

"_Buffy, don't try to do this alone. You have people who love you. Desperately. Tell them. They can't help if they don't know. I wish…" He looked down at her, wanting to crush her to him and never let go. She looked back at him, looking for all the world like she'd be lost if he didn't. "but I can't, I-"_

"_Have to go back, I know," she said bitterly. His heart broke at the emptiness in her voice._

"She must be devastated," said Fred, bringing him out of his reverie.

"I've seen Buffy through some amazingly difficult times. Some of which I've caused myself-"

_**Hey! Don't credit for work you didn't do!**_

"-but I've never seen her so lost; so empty," Angel finished. "She wanted…" He sighed. "I thought her friends would be able to help her."

_**Right. Help her. Like they did when they resurrected her.**_

"Like they did when they pulled her out of Heaven?" said Cordelia.

Angel blinked for a moment as Angelus laughed, then shook his head. "They've always been a close support system."

"Be that as it may, it seems that with Giles gone and her mother no longer alive, her 'support system' is dwindling," said Wes.

Already knowing where this was going, Cordy shook her head. "You know, you get even more British when you start thinking like a Watcher."

Wesley speared her with a Look. "If the situation is as bad as we think, something must be done. The Hellmouth must have a guardian, and if she has some… death wish-"

A strangled sound came out of Angel.

"What exactly are we supposed to do?" said Cordy, not-unkindly. "It's not like this is something we can just fix. How are we going to help?"

Angelus inexplicably started singing "Sexual Healing."

_This is serious._

The singing got louder.

"Not to brush all this aside, but don't we have our own issues?" said Gunn. "What are we going to do about Holtz?"

_**Eat the kid, torture Holtz, then go to Buffy and fuck the happy into each other. I'll take it from there.**_

_Gee, thanks for the advice._

_**I just want you to be happy. Perfectly happy.**_

"We can't kill him," said Gunn.

_**Sure you can. You'd barely break a sweat.**_

"He's human," he continued, "and he's teamed up with some bad guys, but he's not evil."

"We can't kill him," agreed Angel, "but we need to keep Connor away from him," the desperation and fear of anything happening to his miracle coming through plainly in his voice.

_**Someday, you'll have to explain how you keep drawing and redrawing these mythical lines between good and evil.**_

_Well-_

_**Scratch that, I really don't care.**_

"It's not like he'll just stop trying if we hide him away here under lock and key," said Fred.

"Not here…" said Wes slowly.

Angel's head whipped in his direction. "What are you thinking?"

"Well, we may be able to kill two birds with one stone."

_**As long as there's killing involved.**_

"What?" said Gunn. "How you gonna manage that?"

"You think we should take Connor and run down to Sunnydale," said Cordy.

"Whoa, how'd you get that?" said Gunn.

"I know Watchers," she said. "If all else fails, grab the innocents and head for the Slayer."

Angel tamped down his elation at the very idea. "Wes, it sounds like she has enough on her plate right now."

"Exactly," he replied.

Everyone stared at him.

"We can't kill Holtz or his army, and he won't stop coming after you can Connor as long as we remain here. So we hide – and what better place than Sunnydale? If we just pick up and leave without warning, he'll never see it coming." He looked at Angel. "Neither you or Angelus is exactly the run-and-hide type."

_**That's because I don't need to hide behind the Slayer's skirts.**_

"Meanwhile, we can be there to help Buffy with whatever she needs. If nothing else, we could be an extra pair of hands around the house, another set of eyes to watch Dawn, a wallet to buy groceries, an extra stake on patrol."

_**An extra pain in the ass…**_

Wesley's look turned pointed towards Angel, "maybe a shoulder to cry on."

"I get it, but if she's having such a hard time, should we be bringing down our trouble on her?" said Gunn.

"I'm not proposing we leave Holtz a calling card with her address on it. With any luck, he'll have no idea where we are."

"And when he figures it out?" said Angel.

"Holtz has a lot of resources in LA, but that's not the case in Sunnydale. We would be at the advantage. If nothing else, it would buy us some time."

They all stared at each other, letting what he said sink in. Finally, Cordy threw her hands up. "I'll go pack Connor's bag."

"I've always wanted to see a Slayer fight," said Gunn.

Angel finally allowed himself to grin. He picked up Connor. "Hey, little man. We're going to see the love of your daddy's life! Yay!"

_**Oh, man. I hope the little twerp vomits on you.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, this is a really angst-filled chapter. Just wanted to warn you. Many thanks to Love-el-ly Joy for her well placed observation that made me make some edits that made this chapter much better. Reminder to check out her story: The Downfall. Sounds like it's going to be packed with hilarity, angst, and awesomeness. Also I'd like to wave at Kairos Impending - I'm coming just shy of being a fangirl of hers, her stories are so awesome, and she actually reads some of my stuff which made me jump up and down and squeal because I clearly have no life. **

**This chapter takes place at the end of Dead Things.  
**

Buffy headed up the stairs looking for Dawn. She stood just outside Dawn's closed door, hand raised, frozen, about to knock. What on earth was she going to say?

'_Hey Dawnie, sorry I was happier dead then here with you.'_

Not so much.

'_Dawnie, I'd be a hypocrite if I hadn't tried to leave you tonight. Again.'_

'_Dawnie, it's not that I don't care that you're hurting, it's just that I'm really screwed up right now.'_

Even better.

'_Dawnie, I know your world is out of control and people keep changing your life at the drop of a hat and you have no control over any of it, but there's no need to get an attitude.'_

'_Hey, Dawnie, would you be happier if I let them take you away?'_

She sighed, dropping her hand and taking one last long look at the door before walking away. Slowly making her way to the kitchen, she made herself a cup of tea. Noticing the message light blinking on the phone, she hit play.

"Miss Summers, this is Doris Croager. I am calling to inform you that I'm back in the office today, and I have still been unable to get in touch with Mr. Rupert Giles. If you can either have him call me at his earliest possible convenience, or come up with another reference, I'm sure it would help. Remember these references are a tool to help you make your case. They are in your best interest, not mine. Have a pleasant day."

Buffy poured her full mug of tea down the sink, putting her hands on the counter to brace herself.

"I'm going out."

Buffy jumped, whirling around to find Dawn standing framed in the doorway. "Oh," she said, barely refraining from putting her hand over her racing heart. "Where?"

"Around."

"Dawn."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Xander promised do to pizza and board games tonight since Anya's keeping the store open late tonight," she said in a monotone.

Somewhat relieved to have the house to herself – and very ashamed because of it – Buffy nodded. "Is Xander bringing you back, or-?"

"Yep."

A honk sounded from the driveway.

"Okay, well-"

"Bye," Dawn interrupted sullenly as she left.

"Bye," Buffy said to the empty doorway. She waved at Xander through the window as he opened the door for Dawn. He gave her a jaunty wave back, as if her life _wasn't_ an absolute disaster she had no hope of fixing.

**

* * *

**

Angel, Cordelia, and Gunn pulled up outside the Summers' residence. Lorne had remained behind to keep an ear out for Holtz's movements, to give them warning if it looked like he was headed down to Sunnydale. Wes and Fred would be coming by later with a collection of books after they laid a false trail for Holtz, should the vampire hunter come looking for the team.

The lights were on and the door was cracked open as they approached. They knocked a few times, but there was no answer. Hearing voices inside, they stepped into the house.

"Well, she didn't revoke your invitation, so that's a good sign," said Cordy.

They turned to see Buffy speaking intently with a girl none of them recognized. Both of them were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice them there.

"I've double checked everything," the girl was saying. "There's nothing wrong with you."

Angel opened his mouth to get their attention until Buffy, still entirely wrapped up in the conversation, spoke. "Then why can Spike hurt me?"

That stopped Angel. The team exchanged glances as the two kept talking. Gunn waved his hand vaguely, but emphatically at Angel.

Angel mouthed the word "what?"

Gunn repeated the motion, more emphatically, which still gave Angel no clue what he meant.

Gunn pointed at Buffy, then waved Angel on in the universal language for "_get on with it_."

Angel was still confused.

"_Speak,_" Cordelia hissed.

Her whisper was drowned out by the escalating conversation.

"Buffy, I promise there's nothing wrong with you!" the girl was saying.

_**Well aside from a hero complex and some serious insecurities and abandonment issues.**_

Feeling like the worst sort of eavesdropper, Angel opened his mouth again to speak, but, once again, Buffy beat him to it. "There has to be!" she exclaimed.

Everyone in the room was taken aback at the intensity of that.

"This isn't me. This can't be me."

The tears she had been trying to hold back began spilling out. This had gone on long enough.

"Why do I feel like this?" Buffy said in a broken whisper.

Angel sucked in a breath to speak. "Bu-"

"Why do I let Spike do those things to me?"

That stopped him cold.

_**Whoa, what?**_

"You mean hit you?" asked the shy-sounding girl.

Buffy just looked at her. It hit everyone in the room at the same time.

"Oh. Oh!"

_**I *knew* she would like it rough! Oh this is rich. A slayer asking a vampire to hurt her! Oh man, if I…**_

Angelus continued on, but Angel didn't hear anymore. He watched as Buffy dissolved further into tears, a million emotions hitting him all at once, all trying to push their way to the surface. He couldn't move. Cody and Gunn were both staring at him, but his world had narrowed entirely to the girl rapidly breaking down in front of him.

"Do you love him?"

Everything in Angel stilled at the question.

"It's okay if you do," the girl continued. "He's done a lot of good, and he does love you... and Buffy, it's okay if you don't. You're going through a hard time, and you're..."

Buffy looked up. "What? Using him? What's okay about that?"

Angel expelled a breath at that one. Through the haze of emotions rushing through him, only one coherent thought pushed to the fore. '_Thank God.'_

_**Given the evidence, I honestly doubt God has anything to do with Buff's sex life.**_

Angel couldn't watch Buffy breaking down into shuttering sobs, begging _not_ to be forgiven. Unconsciously holding Connor too tight, he jumped when the baby let out an indignant wail.

Buffy stopped, whirling around to look up at him. She froze. Angel remained frozen as Cordy walked over and pried Angel's arm off the boy.

No one spoke. No one breathed.

Gunn looked back and forth between the two. After Cordy straightened from putting Connor back in his carrier, she looked back at Angel.

But Buffy and Angel had tunnel vision, both too lost in their raging turmoil to notice anyone but each other. Angel's mouth opened and closed a few times, casting around for the right words. Nothing came to mind. Time stretched on and no one moved a muscle as the silence engulfed them.

Angel wanted to be angry. Part of him wanted to scream and rage in pain. How could she sleep with Spike? But she looked so broken, he felt his heart crack.

He wanted to tell her he understood; that she's not alone. He wanted to tell her that he understood feeling like your world is so dark you'll never find your way out, where the only light at the end of the tunnel is the oncoming train. He wanted to tell her that he never wanted her to have to feel like this. He wanted to tell her that he'd been there, that he made it through, and that she would make it too.

He wanted to say that he knew how much it hurt when no one understands what you're going through, and the only ones who seem to actually _see_ anything are only pulling you further down. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay; that she wasn't alone.

He opened his mouth to say all those things and more, but all that came out was:

"I slept with Darla."

Gunn put his hand over his eyes and groaned. Cordelia looked like she wanted to smack him upside the head. Angelus hooted with laughter. Angel snapped his mouth shut. That was _not_ what he wanted to say.

But Buffy said nothing. Her lips parted in surprise as she stared at him. He watched million emotions pass over her face until she finally settled on puzzlement as she studied him, clearly wondering why he would say that of all things.

Angel wished he knew.

Something in his face must have been the answer she was looking for. Letting out a strangled sound, she launched herself at him, burying her face in his shirt. Angel stroked her hair as deep, shuttering sobs wracked her body.


	4. Chapter 4

**General announcement: I'm having a hard time writing this, which is amusing since I've been wanting to write this fic for a long time. I have a few ideas for later, but nothing for the next chapter. Love-el-ly Joy and I have been kicking around some great ideas, but I've just gotten to that pre-inspiration point where you go "Oooh okay, I can start writing with some of these half formed ideas and it'll go somewhere" which usually works, but at this point, nothing is coming to mind. I'm still continuing with this fic, all I'm saying is I can't guarantee how timely the updates will be until I get a foothold. Any suggestions you may have would be welcome. I guess this is just a long winded way of saying I have writer's block :-p I'm trying to work through it though. **

**Also I wanted to say that I don't often reply to people. That's because I usually see the reply on my phone and make a mental note to reply later when I get a chance. Only my mental notes are pretty useless because I rarely remember them. So just know that I was going to respond to like half of you and didn't, but that doesn't mean I appreciate you any less! Now! On with the show!  
**

When the worst of the tears had subsided, and Buffy regained control of herself, she finally looked up, grateful that Cordelia and Gunn had made themselves scarce. She looked up at Angel and saw genuine understanding. The thought was enough to get her crying again, but she'd had enough of that. He brushed a stray tear off her face as if he couldn't help it.

"Better?"

"So much," she replied. Looking around the room, she saw Tara standing up with her bag over her shoulder, fidgeting.

"I-I should go."

"You don't have to," said Buffy, nodding her head at Angel's indication that he would be in the kitchen. "Stay."

"N-no, I should leave," said Tara, shaking her head. "Y-you have a lot going on, I think, a-and I don't know when Willow… when everyone will get back."

"Are you sure?" asked Buffy.

Tara nodded, still fidgeting with her bag. "I'll come back and check on you tomorrow."

"Thanks," said Buffy. She touched Tara's arm before she could leave. "I mean it. Thank you."

Tara smiled at her before leaving.

Buffy walked back into the kitchen to see Angel at the table with a baby in his arms, coaxing it to drink from a bottle. Cordy was putting formula bottles in the fridge, and Gunn was examining the assortment of stakes and knives she hadn't gotten around to putting away yet.

"I'm pretty sure I'm missing some major information here," she said.

"I'm pretty sure we are too," said Angel.

She plopped down into a seat at the table. "Who starts?"

"Well, since we would just have to explain everything again to the rest of the Scoobies," said Cordy, "slowly if Xander's still involved-"

Buffy's lips twitched, Cordy's good-natured ribbing taking her momentarily back to high school.

"-and you're obviously keeping a few secrets from them anyway, why don't you start? And do you mind if I keep the formula in the fridge?"

Buffy refrained from pointing out that it was all already in there before she'd asked anyway. "Go ahead. Um…" She looked at Gunn, who extended his hand.

"Hi, I'm Gunn. I'm the stranger who will be hearing all of your personal business today."

"A pleasure. I'm sorry for falling apart like that. I don't do that."

Gunn raised an eyebrow. "What, ever? Then it's probably about time you did."

"Ah, no. The Slayer must keep it together at all times. I'm pretty sure it was in the handbook." She glanced at Connor. "I'm really trying hard not to ask about the kid."

"This is Connor," Angel volunteered.

"Long story," said Cordy. "You first."

"Nice to meet you, Connor," she said to the baby, before looking around. "Doesn't Wes work with you guys?"

"He and another girl, Fred, are going to be coming later," said Angel.

"He probably wants to pack up every book he has for his trip back to the Hellmouth. You should've seen him go all Watcher at the very thought," said Cordy. She put her hands on her hips in accusation. "Do you know how long it took us to loosen him up?"

Buffy's heart twisted a little. "I can imagine." Giles had left most of his books at the Magic Box, only taking a select few. While she knew he left them to help her out, she couldn't help but feel as though they were yet another sign of his eagerness to leave. "Any magic books they bring must be kept at the Magic Box. They can't be here," she said firmly.

Angel gave her a questioning look.

"Start talking," said Cordy.

Buffy sighed. "I don't know where to start."

Nonetheless, she picked a point and started to speak, interrupting herself to double back and explain several times. Cordelia and Gunn asked questions. Angel stood by her, a solid wall of strength. When she was finished, she leaned back as they started at each other in silence.

"There was a time when all I wanted was a normal life. You remember that?" said Buffy finally.

"I remember," said Angel.

"Now normal is the only thing that's ever actually defeated me."

"Buffy…" Angel began.

"Tell me I'm wrong," she demanded.

He opened his mouth to do just that, but she was off on a rant already.

"Gang of vamps crash parent-teacher night? Child killing monster that's invisible unless you have a fever? Gang of super-assassins after me? Check, check, check. My lover going evil and tormenting me and my friends until he tries to end the world? Got it."

_**Got it? She tries to quantify the hell I put her through and all she comes up with is "Got it?"**_

"Hunted like a dog before Spring Fling? Hell hounds at prom? Leading an army of students to kill the mayor and blow up the school at graduation?"

"You did not have a normal childhood," Gunn observed.

"You have no idea," said Cordelia.

"Half demon-half robot government made Frankenstein trying to create its own race? Sure, no problem. A hellgod trying to kill my sister and unleash hell on earth? Taken care of. I mean, I died, but-"

"Is there a point to this?" asked Angel.

"Look at me now. I can't get a job, at least not a decent one, can't pay the bills. I'm charged with the fate of the world but I can't even look after my own sister without screwing it up somehow. I can fight to save the status-quo; I can stick wood in vampires," she said with a nod to Angel. Angel had no idea if it was a nod to the fact that he was a vampire or that she'd said that to him before.

_**Maybe it's a nod to the fact that she'd like you to stick a little wood in her.**_

_Will you shut up?_

"But stick me in real life and I'm a total failure," she finished.

_**She wants you to go upstairs and stake her**_

_Do you actually think you're funny?_

_**I know I'm funny.**_

_Oh please. _

_**That's what she said. Followed by "more" and-**_

Cordelia kicked him in the shins. Hard. Angel jumped and stared at her before Buffy's last statement finally registered.

"You're not a failure, Buffy," he said sincerely, but a full minute too late.

She rolled her eyes, torn between amusement and sarcasm. "Thanks."

"No! I-" Angel was cut off by the door opening.

_I hate you._

_**Over a hundred years of me being here and you still can't multitask.**_

"Buffster!" Xander called out from the door. "I bring back Dawn in one piece, as promised. You can-" He stopped mid-sentence as he saw Angel and Cordelia. "Oooookaaaay."

"Angel?" gasped Dawn from behind Xander.

Angel smiled. "Hi Dawnie."

"Ohmigod, Angel, what are you doing here?" she said, running up to give him a hug.

"That's what I'd like to know," said Xander, turning to Buffy.

"You're just in time. He was about to explain it to me. Where's Willow?" said Buffy.

"She'll be here in a sec. Why's Deadboy here and why does he have a baby?"

_**I've been asking myself that for months now.**_

"What part of 'She doesn't know yet' did you not hear?" asked Cordelia.

"Cordy," said Xander, "nice to see you're still as venomous as ever."

"Xander," she returned, "nice to see you've finally mastered three syllable words."

"Bitter doesn't look good on you," he said.

"Whereas nothing looks good on you."

"Did you call them here?" Xander asked Buffy accusingly.

Angel watched Buffy start to shut down again. "Enough!" he said sharply. Xander's mouth snapped shut as he suddenly realized he wasn't 17 anymore. Angel glared at Cordelia, who shrugged, similarly abashed.

"Habit."

"Hey guys, what's – whoa what's going on?" said Willow, finally making an appearance.

"I think it's your turn," Buffy told Angel.

**

* * *

**

Jonathan wandered aimlessly through the streets of Sunnydale. He knew he shouldn't be out – it wasn't safe after dark on a normal day, let alone right after seriously pissing off the Slayer. He just couldn't stay in there.

He couldn't look at the stairwell without seeing her wide, unseeing eyes staring up, without hearing Warren's voice, echoed by Andrew, filled with wonder at the thought of getting away with _murder._ He couldn't look at Warren's bedroom door without hearing Katrina's voice spitting out the word _rape_ with such…

Well, with the kind of tone you'd imagine someone who'd been raped by their ex would use. How did he get so wrapped up in all this potential power that he didn't think rape was rape if it wasn't violent? And murder! He'd been a part of rape and murder. And his friends were _thrilled_ by it.

He turned sharply away from the cemeteries (a difficult thing to do in Sunnydale, where it seemed like you stumbled across one every other block) not from a sense of self preservation. If being in the house brought a crushing guilt, being outside, near Buffy's prowling grounds brought another kind of guilt.

He remembered giving her the Class Protector trophy at Prom. He remembered his gratitude for her, for the opportunity to voice the appreciation of his whole class. He remembered seeing a matching sense of gratitude and wonder written plainly across her face.

And he'd tried to frame her for murder. He'd done it without a thought, without a qualm. It was only after the crushing guilt from his role in Katrina's… end, that it even occurred to him that tricking Buffy into believed she'd killed someone was... Well, judging by the way he felt, it was a pretty damn awful thing to do to someone who didn't even deserve it.

He sat on a bench, head in his hands. He wasn't a noble guy. He had a history of taking the easy way out, morality or consequences be damned. Taking over Sunnydale had sounded cool; fun; a thrilling adventure. Stealing the diamond was more than theft; it was a heist. Messing with Buffy was more than pissing her off; it was cunningly outwitting the enemy.

Rape and murder were just rape and murder.

Jonathan stood up, walking back to their "lair," dread weighing every step.


	5. Chapter 5

**I AM SO SORRY! I told myself I wouldn't be one to just leave people hanging, but I just couldn't think, so I had to walk away from it for a while. And, of course, the danger of walking away from something is that you may forget to come back... Still, I think I had like 5 different beginnings for this chapter before I just started writing and went with it. The possibility of not liking where I ended up with it was at least better than the certainty of not writing anything for months on end. Many thanks to Love-el-ly Joy, for catching my typos and convincing me that this is publishable :-p Hope you enjoy!**

Buffy stared at Connor as if he were an alien life form. Angel stared nervously at her as Willow cooed at the baby. If Angel wasn't mistaken, he could see tears gathering in her eyes again. He braced himself for her to lash out at him, but it never came. Hell, he _ached_ for her to lash out at him. At least that Buffy he knew how to deal with. For the first time in a long time, he couldn't read her.

_**How did you think she was going to take it, Mr. "I'm leaving you so you can have picnics and babies?"**_

_I though she would at least yell or something, not just stare blankly._

He watched anxiously as Dawn picked Connor up. Buffy's face, if possible, grew even blanker.

_**She's not going to yell. There's no fight left in her.**_

His eyes never left Buffy. _That's where you're wrong._

"Buffy…"

She finally met his gaze. Seeing his fear, she spoke.

"That's the most amazing miracle I've heard since… for a long time."

"Okay… a-are those good tears or bad?" he asked.

_**How old are you?**_

"I'm not sure," she whispered before walking out to the back porch.

Before making a move to follow her, Angel hesitated a moment, looking back at Connor, who was still in Dawn's arms.

"Don't bother, Dead Boy," said Xander.

Cordelia glared at him for a moment, before turning to Angel. "We'll take good care of Connor. Go ahead."

Angel turned to Xander. "You hurt my boy, nothing in the world will save you."

"You think I would hurt an innocent _kid_?" asked Xander, horrified.

"Well maybe you calling him 'hellspawn' every chance you get for the past half hour really didn't give me much confidence."

_**Not to mention the insult it implies to all things demonic and hellish.**_

"I'll watch him," said Cordy. "So will Gunn. Go ahead."

"Why the hell are you _encouraging_ this?" said Xander. "You used to be the leader of the "Buffy plus Angel equals badness" movement."

"Jesus, Xander, I'm not telling him to sleep with her, just talk to her. If you weren't so blind, maybe you would notice that she needs that right now."

"_Blind?_ Right, because he helped her so much the last time she saw him."

Angel worked to control his anger.

_**Now do you see why humans are for eating, not befriending?**_

"Will you two stop bickering? We're here to _help_ Buffy, remember?"

_**Actually, you're here because you're a masochistic sap who likes to suffer.**_

_A masochist who likes to suffer? Under redundant, see redundant._

_**Are you admitting that I'm right?**_

"Look, we all care about Buffy," he said, mentally rolling his eyes at Angelus. "So if we could just-"

"'We all care about Buffy?' Half of your team doesn't even know her!" said Xander. "Of the other half, we have the Watcher who they only hired _because_ he doesn't care about her, Cordy, who never cared for Buffy a day in her life-"

"Hey!"

"Okay, guys, let's just take a step back and-" Gunn began.

"And, of course, we can't forget the so-called 'love of her life' who could barely even be bothered to check in with her after he'd taken everything she had to give."

"Xander!" said Willow sharply.

Angel saw red.

_**You should have killed him long ago. **_

_It's not like you never had the chance. _

But Xander continued. "And you guys think you're going to step in front of those of us who have actually been there with her through everything to somehow make everything better?"

Angel stepped forward, getting in Xander's face. "I'm sorry, are you mad that I left her, that it took so long for me to leave her, or that I came back?"

"Both. All three."

"Xander, stop," said Willow.

Gunn stuck two fingers in his mouth and let out a long, piercing whistle. Angel took a deep breath in the silence that followed, before turning back to Xander. "Look, we're here to help. Let us at least try."

Xander exchanged glances with Willow, who nodded at him. His almost visibly bit his tongue and stepped out of his way. It wasn't much, but Angel recognized an olive branch, or at least an attempt at one, when he saw it. He nodded his thanks to Xander before stepping onto the back porch.

She sat, staring blankly in front of her, her arms wrapped around herself. He took a moment to examine her. She was thinner than he'd ever seen her, with closed off body language he didn't like.

"I didn't mean to make things worse," he said.

"No," she said sincerely. "I'm so happy for you."

"But…?" asked Angel.

_**But it's a useless little poop machine and the worst cock blocker in history.**_

"No buts," she said. "I'm happy for you. I mean, it hurts a little that Darla was the one to give it to you, but that doesn't make it any less wonderful."

"Okay. That wasn't joy I saw on your face," he said.

_**Hmm, and usually the embodiment of all a girl's insecurities makes her thrilled.**_

_She didn't even lash out!_

_**She's broken.**_

"I'm sorry," said Angel. "I know I'm asking a lot. I wish…"

He had no idea how he was going to finish that sentence. That she wasn't a mess? That wouldn't go over well. That it had never happened? No. He had a million regrets, many of them centering around the girl in front of him, many more of them centering around the mother of his child, but one thing he would never regret was the birth of his miracle.

"Don't," said Buffy. "Don't ever wish away the birth of your child. Especially not on my account."

"I wasn't going to," said Angel quietly.

_**For the record, I regret it.**_

He watched her sit, her arms still wrapped protectively around herself. Finally, he spoke again. "You're going to have to give me something to go on here. You say you're happy for me, and I think you mean it, but something's wrong."

_**Are you kidding me? Something's wrong?**_

"Something involving Connor," he clarified.

_**I've been telling you that for weeks.**_

"I just…" Buffy began. "I look at him, and nothing's ever scared me so much."

Angel started to panic. "Scared you?"

_**She thinks the little twerp is scarier than **__**me**__**?**_

"Not in an evil way," she hastened to assure him.

Angel let out a slow breath.

"It's just that everything in my life is so bleak, so… desolate, and here's this bright shining little miracle."

"And… that scares you?" said Angel.

_**Well I sure as hell find miracles unnerving.**_

"He's like this blank slate. His life could go in so many different directions. He could be happy, he could…" She sighed. "I started out that way. So did you. So did Willow. Hell, Willow was almost like that when I first met her. I can't help but feel like just by knowing me - just by getting involved in my world, his future has gotten that much bleaker."

Angel was flabbergasted. "I… how… how can you even think that?"

_**How can she not? Look around.**_

"How can I not?" she said. "I mean, look around. Everyone I know either gets dead or addicted to magic or sent to Hell-"

"Buffy."

"And the worst part is part of me just doesn't care anymore," she finished

_**So what? All of me doesn't care.**_

"What do you mean?"

"It's like everything that happens these days – part of me responds and part of me is just completely listless. And I'm scared of how big the not-caring part is."

She glanced back at the house. "You should go back. Connor's fussing."

"I…" He followed her gaze, then looked back at her, realizing she wasn't going to open up more tonight. "Stay right here. Don't move."

[**BREAK]**

Jonathan was almost back to his lair when he did an abrupt about-face. He had to go throw himself on Buffy's mercy; he couldn't keep this up much longer. Warren was getting more power hungry, Andrew was becoming more like his lapdog every day, and even if it weren't for his nagging conscience, he didn't know how much longer this could go on.

Walking with more of a sense of purpose, he tried to think of Nice Buffy as opposed to Scary Buffy. She'd help him. It's not like he…

Killed someone and framed her for the murder.

No, he could do this.

He got to her block, taking a deep breath, preparing himself, when he caught a glimpse of the cars outside her house. From the looks of it, she had a full house. Even… was that Cordelia in there?

He couldn't do this.

His eyes strayed to the hidden camera he knew was positioned on her front lawn.

Oh man, he really couldn't do this. He turned around and walked back to Warren's as quickly as he could.

**[BREAK]**

"I really don't like surprises these days," said Buffy as they walked towards Crawford Street.

"It's not a surprise," said Angel defensively.

"Then what's in the bag?"

"Umm… it's a surprise," he said.

"Uh huh. And are we going to the mansion?" she asked.

"Kind of. Not exactly," he hedged, ignoring her arch look.

_**Smooth.**_

He led her through the mansion, up onto the hill overlooking Sunnydale. The same hill he had once tried to end his existence on.

She stepped out onto the hill, blinking at the view of her town spread before her. "Did you bring me here to make a point?" she asked, turning to him.

"Umm… no. Yes? Maybe. I'm not sure."

_**Casanova you are not.**_

She just blinked at him and he shifted uncomfortably.

"Look," he said, "I just figured it was a nice spot, it means something to me, but more importantly, it's away."

"Away?" she echoed.

"Away," he confirmed, settling himself down, propped up against a tree.

_**Away from prying eyes so you can-**_

_Can I just turn you off for a moment?_

_**Not a chance, Soul Boy.**_

"I'm not sure I understand," she said slowly.

"Here, there are no bills, no responsibilities, no grand duties, nothing to distract you."

"Distract me from what?" she asked.

_**Raunchy sex?**_

"From nothing," he said simply.

"Okay, I know I have a mostly functioning brain, but you're not making any sense to me," she said.

"Right here, right now, it's just you, me, and," he reached into his mysterious bag to pull out- "cookie dough fudge mint chip."

A slow smile broke out over her face as she stared at him. She tucked her hair behind her ear in an achingly familiar gesture before she spoke. "You know, looking back, it's so easy to remember all of the drama and heartache between us. No one seems to remember this part."

"This part?" asked Angel, trying not to worry.

"Yes. You. You as my partner. You knowing me so well. You just being there, letting me just be me. You relaxing your guard and me relaxing mine so we can just… be. I miss it."

"Me too," he said quietly.

_**I might heave**_.

But Angel paid him no mind as Buffy settled herself next to him. "So what do we do now?" she said, taking the spoon from him.

"We talk about nothing," he said.

Buffy arched a brow at him.

"No mention of Connor, Dawn, Darla, Spike, jobs, mortgages, vampire hunters, Heaven or Hell," he clarified.

"That's a long list of stuff not to talk about," she said.

"Think we can manage?"

"I think so," she said, grabbing the spoon he offered with one hand, and the ice cream with the other.


	6. Chapter 6

**Working sucks. Don't do it. Anyway - so sorry about being so slow with this story. I'm working, I have a hell of a commute and, bizarrely enough, now have an active social life. I mean, those are usually good things, but man it's tiring. Right. So. Story. Many, many thanks go, as always, to the wonderfully insightful and observant Love-el-ly Joy. The good news is that this story is sort of starting to take shape in my mind (took me long enough, right?). I'm trying to add more Angelus, because he's fun, but I also am trying hard to keep him in character, which is surprisingly difficult to do. Or maybe not-so surprising. In any event, I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

_Buffy walked carefully through her suspiciously empty house. "Willow?" she called out. "Dawn?" She stepped into the living room, empty of all furniture. "Guys?"_

_Unnerved, she automatically went to her weapons trunk. It wasn't there. _

"_Hello, lover," purred a smooth voice. She spun around, already knowing who she would find. _

"_Angelus."_

"_Buff," he said, that cocky, unnerving smile playing around his lips. "You don't sound happy to see me."_

"_Where are they?"_

_He spread his arms wide, the innocent gesture and matching innocent expression making her roll her eyes. "You're going to have to ask yourself that one."_

"_What do you mean?" she asked. _

"_You're setting the stage here, lover." He looked around. "And I have to say, empty house, stripped bare… looks like a psychologist's wet dream."_

"_Yeah, well after my experience with psychology, I-"_

_She broke off. "Did you hear that?" she asked as the sound of a baby crying grew louder. _

"_I'm guessing that was rhetorical," said Angelus. _

_Ignoring him, she followed the sound, coming into the kitchen to find Connor in a bassinet, wailing his little lungs out. _

"_What…what's wrong with him?"_

"_You're asking me?" said Angelus. "My guess would be he's hungry."_

_She stared at the baby as it continued to cry. _

"_Aren't you going to do anything about it?" he asked with a knowing smirk. _

_She wiped her sweaty palms on her pants. "Ummm…"_

_The baby continued to cry, but she couldn't go near it. "Could you feed it?" she asked him._

_Angelus' eyebrows shot up. "Did you seriously just say that?"_

"_Right," she said. But she still couldn't bring herself to go any closer to the baby. The bassinet inched closer to the edge of the countertop. _

"_Well, that can't be good," said Angelus, almost in a sing-song._

_The bassinet began to fall. Buffy was glued to her spot. _

"NO!" she cried, sitting up in bed.

It took her a moment to regain her bearings. She heard what she assumed was a second knock at the door. She rushed downstairs, jumping as she met Angel at the door.

Angel steadied her. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you up. It's probably Wes and Fred."

She just nodded at him, mentally shaking herself free of the dream as he opened the door, letting two figures rush in.

"How'd it go?" asked Angel.

"We had a few close calls, but Holtz should think we all headed to Vegas to work on a case for Lorne," said Wes.

"You weren't too obvious?"

"We made the false clues just hard enough to find," Fred assured him.

"We brought along additional supplies. Books, weapons, clothes…"

"We may not be able to keep some of it here," said Buffy, finally stepping forward, "but we'll figure it all out later."

_**Keep some of it here! I'd love to see the witch go bad. **_

"Buffy," said Wes. "I'm sorry to just barge in like this."

Buffy shrugged. "This house is used to barging; don't worry about it."

"Hi, I'm Fred," said a sweet-sounding girl with a hint of a southern twang, sticking her hand out.

"Buffy," she said, taking the offered hand.

"Thank you for letting us impose on you. I know you probably have a lot going on-" Wes began.

Buffy just waved his comment away. "As far as impositions go, a team of non-evil demons hunters who can hold their own… isn't one. You look good, Wes. Diggin' the new look."

_**Don't let it fool you, he's still a tool.**_

_He's come a long way._

_**Oh yeah, that's saying a lot.**_

"You're looking well too," he lied. "I'm happy to see that you're…" Wes floundered for words other than 'doing well,' since that was blatantly untrue.

_**Miserable.**_

"Alive." Fred supplied.

"Right, well, who isn't," said Buffy, keeping most of the bitterness from her voice. "Come on in. Can I get you something to drink? I have… um… water. I think I have some tea bags left."

"No, but thank you," said Wes. "Have you heard from the social worker?"

Buffy sighed. "Yeah. She's back on the case. You wouldn't know how to get a hold of Giles, would you? He's my only other reference and we can't get in touch with him."

Wesley frowned. "I haven't heard from him, but I can see if someone in the old Watcher's Council knows where he is. He didn't leave a number?"

"Apparently not the right one," Buffy muttered.

Angelus laughed gleefully. _**My, that's cold. Even for a Watcher.**_

Angel lightly squeezed her shoulder. "Wes, can you make some calls?"

"Of course. I'm sure I can track him down. I'd be happy to provide you with a reference, if you need one."

Buffy smiled thinly. "I really appreciate that, but given my school record, the big hoop she-devil Croager wants me to jump through is to provide a reference from someone who knows me in 'an academic capacity.' Since that leaves only an evil Frankenstein monster-creating Psych professor, who's dead anyway, and Giles, I kind of really need to get in touch with him."

_**See? She-devil. Even Buffy says she's evil. Can we kill her now?**_

Even knowing the circumstances, Fred couldn't imagine not being adored by professors. "You don't have anyone from your time at college you could ask?"

_**Yeah, college dropouts usually come with all kinds of glowing references from professors.**_

"There was an old poetry professor who was sad to see me go, but I don't know if he would even remember me now. I don't even remember his name. It was when mom was sick and…"

She was calmed somewhat by Angel's hand going back to her shoulder.

Wesley nodded. "I'll track Giles down."

"Thanks," she said with a grateful smile. "I'll help you guys unload your stuff. We can put it in the basement until we figure out where to put everyone."

"We won't all stay," said Angel, already sensing Buffy's anxious mind trying to figure out how to feed everyone for the duration of their stay. "I'd like to keep Connor here, since vampires can enter the mansion uninvited."

Fred furrowed her brow in confusion. "But it's humans that are after him."

Buffy shook her head. "I'd imagine more than a few vamps wouldn't mind getting their hands on him, too."

"Keeping him here at least cuts down on the number of enemies," Angel agreed. "So we'll keep two of us here at all times to watch after him and help you out with whatever-"

"No!" said Buffy. "I mean, thanks, but I need to…to be an adult. You guys shouldn't…"

"Shouldn't help?" asked Fred. "That's hardly fair, imposing on you and not even helping out around here."

"We're not saying we're going to run your life for you," Angel said gently, "but having someone cook a meal or do a load of laundry doesn't make you any less capable."

_**I mean, you aren't capable, but not because of the laundry thing.**_

Angel's nostrils flared angrily as he tried to keep himself from rising to the bait.

Buffy looked around at them for a moment before deciding it really wasn't worth the fight. "Um… thanks" she said as Connor started fussing. "Is… is Connor in the kitchen?"

"Yeah," said Angel. "I was just going to feed him when I heard the knock. Why?"

"No reason."

* * *

_**It's good to know I'm not the only one who thinks the kid is creepy.**_

_It's not like that,_ Angel insisted, wiping out Connor's bottle more vigorously than was strictly necessary. Fred had taken Connor upstairs after they had fed and burped him.

_**She wouldn't go within 5 feet of him.**_

Angel's heart twisted at the knowledge that Buffy couldn't warm to Connor, even though he knew and understood her reasons.

_She just needs time_, he told himself just as much as Angelus.

_**Uh huh. Hey, Soul Boy, if that bottle isn't clean by now, nothing you do is going to fix it.**_

Angel looked down to realize he had been scrubbing at the bottle for at least 15 minutes. Sighing, he put the bottle on the drying rack. He hated that, even after living with him for over 100 years, he still let Angelus get to him sometimes.

Angel was pulled out of his internal monologue by the back door crashing open. He clenched his fists as a figure covered in a smoldering blanket ran in. His nails dug into his palms as the figure pulled the smoking blanket off. Spike straightened after throwing his blanket aside, trying to play it cool.

_**Smooth.**_

"Spike," said Angel through gritted teeth.

Spike nearly fell over in surprise. "Peaches? Blood Hell, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you," said Angel with impressive articulation in Spike's opinion, considering how tightly his jaw was clenched.

Spike just smirked in response. Before he could blink, Angel had him pinned against the wall. His eyes widened. "Goldilocks told you?" he asked in surprise, his smirk growing.

Angel responded with a solid punch to his face.

"From the caveman routine, I'd say that's a yes."

"Do I know that you took advantage of her when she was vulnerable?" Angel growled, slamming Spike against the wall again.

Spike finally freed himself from Angel's grip. "'Took advantage of her?' Hell, it's all I can do to keep up."

_**I really believe that.**_

Angel's fist crashed into his face again, but this time Spike braced himself enough to return the favor.

"What's the matter, Peaches?"

_**Peaches? Hit him again.**_

"You upset that our girl is-" he was cut off as Angel landed a solid hit to the gut.

"I'd advise you not to finish that sentence," said Angel, fury in his voice.

_**Kinky?**_

"What, did you think you owned her? That no one else would touch her?" said Spike, kicking Angel, sending him sprawling across the kitchen island.

"Angel!" exclaimed Fred, running downstairs, Gunn close at her heels.

Angel rolled off the countertop, backhanding Spike as he stood up.

"Spike? Angel?" said Dawn from the staircase.

"You wait until she's at her weakest, then you drag her down to your level," said Angel, grabbing Spike's lapels.

"Well I suppose I could just up and leave her, but then, that's been done before, hasn't it," Spike returned.

Angel hit him in response, holding him up by his shirt so he could hit him again.

"What the…" Buffy began, coming up from the basement. "Angel! Stop!"

Angel heard her, but with only Spike's smirking face in his field of vision, he couldn't force his fingers to let go.

_**Hit him again! This is fun!**_

"Angel!"

A second later, he felt his fingers being pried off Spike's shirt. He was shoved – hard – away from the other vampire.

Buffy turned around, hands on her hips. "Dawn. Upstairs."

"But Buf-"

"Now, Dawn."

The teenager glared at her sister before stomping upstairs. Spike took that moment to said, very quietly so that only Angel could hear: "Are you mad because she's got a little darkness in her, or because I'm the one that gets to explore it?"

_**Can I answer that one?**_

Spike went flying, crashing into the wall. Ready to go some more, he went for Angel, until Buffy stepped in his way, shoving both vampires away from each other. Spike hit the wall again while Angel crashed into the countertop.

"That's _enough!_ My God, I can't believe I have two centuries-old vampires here acting like little kids fighting over a toy!"

_**Did she just call herself a sex toy?**_

"He took advantage of you!" said Angel.

"Me? _She_ took advantage of _me_, more like!"

Buffy rubbed her forehead in irritation, trying to keep her patience.

"He's what's been keeping you down!" Angel snarled.

"Yeah, and she likes it!" said Spike.

Angel started towards Spike, but Buffy pushed him back again. "Stop it."

"You deserve better than this, Buffy."

Buffy fixed Angel with a steely look. "What I deserve, and I think have earned by this point, is to fight my own battles. You can't put all the blame on him, Angel."

Angel muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "watch me," but Buffy had already turned around.

"Spike. Basement."

The smirk fell from Spike's lips at her tone.

Angel watched the two of them disappear into the basement until Gunn let out a low whistle, startling him out of his reverie.

"And you say she's lost her fire?"

"Did I miss something?" asked a bleary-eyed Cordelia, trudging down the stairs

* * *

Buffy led Spike down the stairs, steeling herself for what she was about to say.

Spike smirked at the bid she had been setting up before the fight had brought her upstairs. "Well now," he said, his voice suggestive.

"What?" She followed his gaze to the bed. "Oh. No! That's not…" Turning him around so that his back was to the bed, she sighed. "This really isn't how I wanted to do this…"

"Ahh wait," he said. "This is your 'we can't do this anymore' tone."

"Spike."

"I've heard this tune before, luv," he said, taking a step towards her. "I think I have the bloody sheet music."

She looked at him, her eyes steady. "Spike. It's over."

The look in her eyes gave him pause for the first time. He turned away from her, taking a step back before turning back. "And what makes this time so different?" he asked.

She looked away, confirming his suspicions.

"Because the big Pouf is here now? Because last I checked, he can't give you what you need without going all 'destroy the world.'"

"No."

"You going to come crawling back to me when he up and leaves you again?"

"No," she said, a slight tremor making its way into her voice. "I'm not doing this for him."

"Bollocks," he said, the word an expression of disbelief and a curse all at once.

"This is for me."

"For you," he repeated dully.

"Spike, I've been using you-"

"Right," he said, "heard that one before, too. Now ask me if I care."

"I do," she said, with a quiet firmness he hadn't heard from her before.

The moment stretched on in silence before she turned to leave. She had almost made it to the stairs when she stopped and turned back to him. "Thank you, William," she said quietly.

His head snapped up in confusion.

"For being there for me when I needed it most. Thank you."

Unable to take the look on his face, she turned and left the basement.


End file.
